Your turf, your rules

Posted by on Aug 1, 2013 in Creativity, Joy, Kaizen-Muse | 1 comment

Your turf, your rules

I was going to start a blog challenge this week. A little different than the UBC—no pressure to post every day, more about building a community, etc. I signed up.

And then I read the rules. Well, I read them the first time, but I seemed to have missed one, and it was one that really didn’t leave me feeling good—it required a fundamental change to the way I run the blog—so I asked for clarification.

The clarification didn’t make me feel any better. In fact, I decided that perhaps now wasn’t the time to do another blog challenge again after all. I have a pretty busy month ahead getting ready for a new class I’m teaching, and that’s going to take a bunch of time, and why spread myself that thin?

It’s a boundary thing, after all. And since this isn’t even an interpersonal boundary, it was much easier for me to say, “Nope, don’t think so,” and move on. The benefits never would have outweighed the feeling like I was no longer in control of how my blog works, after all. This is my turf, and it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me that my rules should apply.

I have not, historically, been great with boundaries. I’m pretty good at honoring other people’s, but defining and defending my own has been tough. It’s important, and I get the idea, but I tend to realize that I’ve been stepped on after it’s happened, which is not so handy when you need to establish something at the time so that your limits are honored. And then there are the times when you feel like you can’t say anything; for instance, you may not feel comfortable telling Uncle Joe that you really don’t appreciate his off-color jokes because you know Aunt Molly will give you the stink eye and you’ll be the one who ends up feeling guilty.

And then there are times like this, when it’s much more obvious and easy for me.

How do you do with boundaries? Where do you have the easiest time? What challenges you? Please share in the comments!

One Comment

  1. This is great! And look, you discovered the blog challenge was pushing at your boundaries BEFORE you committed! Yay, You!

    Yes, there have been times in my life when I didn’t feel comfortable telling Uncle Joe. Sometimes because I thought someone else would give me the stink eye; sometimes because I thought his reply would be demeaning, argumentative, hostile, or escalating – and I didn’t know what I would do about that.

    I’m proud of myself today, though. In the past 4 weeks I’ve been standing up for my own boundaries a bit better. In the past 2 weeks I’ve said a few things that I felt uncomfortable saying, but needed to say. In the past 24 hours I’ve done more of it.

    Feels good.

    So glad to be reading your writing about this stuff.

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